Ok, first off I'm sorry to clog your message boxes with my 'I'm going now!' Journals, however after my last entry I decided I couldn't bow out gracefully and that I would just keep getting more and more annoyed until I get what I want to say off my chest.....

*commence rant....* (and the last one I promise)

Over the years of me trying to get to know people online I have came across the following....

(1) Firstly there were people I had known for quite a long time now. I really used to enjoy giving out gift art, not even thinking about getting in return, but about the fact gifts were my inspiration to improve my skills and do something nice for someone else. It used to upset me that even though I never asked or mentioned gifts in return, people would politely promise that they had a something planned for me in return. I never asked them to say that, so why do they say that when they have NO intention to doing what they say? This happened about 3 or 4 times.....made me feel pretty shit - it proved to me that these 'friends' had no interest in me, they were just being polite - God I'm such an idiot!!!

(2) There were other 'friends' I attempted to keep in touch with. I realised that it was always me emailing or sending notes, or pm's etc....I realised it was always me doing the sending first, then occasionally these people would reply.... probably just to be polite, then I started receiving no replies at all..lol..again I'm such a fucking idiot!

(3) After trying to stay away for 'ass licking central' I had a moment of weakness and stupidly caught someone’s Kiriban thingy or whatever u call it, and they conviently forgot about it - didn't even remember it was me! Why am I so forgettable? I'm not a bad person, I'm not a spammer or an ass licker.....however now I realise to get any attention online you haveta be at least one of these two things!

(4) I person (from another site) remembered my birthday! Not even the people I consider good friends remembered. I remember peoples birthday on here, however I have developed the attitude of 'why bother' which I wish wasn't the case!

(5) Oh and other artists I attempted to ask questions about their art, and get to know ignored me! Hurrah!!!

I now realise that I have to stop coming here, as I just feel bad everytime I do. I hope anyone who bothers to read this remembers that these people that made me feel bad were just a small percentage, the rest of you guys are great!

I have been pretty quiet everywhere as I relised I was digging myself deeper and deeper into a self-loathing hole, however now I’m off to get on with my life…..I realise that people in real life treat me like shit too…..I guess its me, I need to be more of a hard ass bitch! Dammit!



Jo (oh and the British spell realise differently to Americans! Just so u know!)